The Calling of Christ

As a teacher, there are two distinct seasons that structure life as I know it: the school year and the summer. Generally speaking, the school year is much more rushed. There are more routines, more commitments, and more stresses. The summer is more flexible with vacations and playdates and time to recharge. Really and truly though, the biggest difference between these two seasons is time and the way it passes.

Teaching is not just a job for me. It is a talent. It is a passion. It is a calling. Teaching is a part of me the way my students become a part of me. It is ingrained in the center of my being, the thing that keeps me up at night for reasons both good and bad.

But despite all this, things got HARD this year.

Harder than I wanted them to be.
Harder than I ever thought they could be.
Harder than I thought they should be.

There were times I questioned if I had missed my real calling, times when I wondered if I should just throw in the towel. There were days when others made me doubt myself and my abilities and my motivations and my credibility and my talent.

The challenges of my school year made me forget WHOSE I was for awhile, but I fought tooth and nail to remember. I struggle with patience and boundaries and worry and fear and control issues and gossip and overreactions, etc. But my identity? I never need to struggle with that because I am a daughter of the King, and no circumstance, person, or self-doubt will ever change that.
But all things are temporary, just as these struggles were.

The old adage that time heals all things is certainly true; however, it's more than that. This is a story of redemption; redemption from unrealistic expectations, redemption from crushing self-doubt, redemption from worry and fear.  This is a story of God and how He redeems.

In Him, I will always find my identity, but sometimes, I am blind to the things that truly matter, to the ONE who truly matters. I want things to be neat and tidy. I want to control my circumstances and my feelings and others' responses to me. Desire for control of the uncontrollable sometimes throws me for a loop and in those times I must remember one thing: I'm not God. That's a hard and sobering truth sometimes.

When I lost my way, I clung to Christ and He showed me my identity, both who I am and WHOSE I am. This is one request I believe He always grants, and in order to find ourselves, we must first focus on God.

“If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.” (Matthew 10:39 MSG)

It's now summer, and the hustle and bustle of the school year is over. My students have graduated and are jetting off on far-flung vacations and preparing for the next phase of their lives, and I am doing the same.

This summer, I am healing. I am in a state of renewal and rebirth. Mostly though, I am excited to see the new layer God has added to my heart and soul through these trials.

Maybe the next time I face an unexpected and inevitable struggle, my identity will be something I will not question. It is something I needn't question. I am in Christ. I will always be in Christ. That's all I need to know.

Jesus, I praise you for the gift of time. I praise you for gentle reminders of who I and whose I am. I praise you for whispers in the night telling me I am more than my circumstances. I praise you for broadening my perspective. But most of all, I just praise you. Through my highs and my lows, I praise you. Amen.