"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
"You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life, and I will dwell join the house of the Lord
forever." (Psalm 23, NIV)
I don't know about you, but every time I used to read Psalm 23 I would immediately think of darkness and death and peril. Admittedly, there are a lot of positives in David's psalm, but the grace and guidance of the Shepherd, and the comfort, protection, and direction he could provide were easily lost on me as I let the emphasis fall on walking through the darkest valley and being overcome by the fear and evil mentioned.
Isn't this just like life?
We are so constantly enveloped in His blessings that our cups are overflowing, but we often fail to see the goodness and love all around us because we focus on our circumstances instead. We let our emotions rule us and fear takes over, so rather than fearing no evil, we are consumed by the thought of it.
When I was in 7th grade, my father, an emotionally abusive and depressive alcoholic, committed suicide. I'll never forget the sensation of being swallowed by sadness; not just my own, but the sadness of all those around me, all my loved ones, his loved ones. That time in my life is a blur, but I can vividly recall visiting the funeral home to make his arrangements with my family.
I remember the acrid smell of cleaning chemicals covered up by the scent of wilting roses. I remember the grand magnitude of the foyer and the formality of the furniture. But most of all, I remember the funeral director giving me a bookmark and a look of pity in his kind, old eyes.
On one side was my dad's obituary, freshly cut from the newspaper; on the other was Psalm 23.
At twelve years old, I didn't really understand the Bible or its message, much less the writings of David. I had no idea of the ways in which my life was soon to shift, and I certainly couldn't yet understand the irony of the dual sides that the bookmark would one day convey.
I see now the director intended to help memorialize my father; he wanted to show me that hope was still possible, that God would carry me through, that goodness would prevail. But I was light years away from that realization.
Instead of being reassured, I spiraled into the vortex of rushing water, dark valleys, and wrong paths. I couldn't see the way God was pulling the strings of my life together, quilting a beautiful pattern that would one day turn my darkness into light (2 Samuel 22:29). I couldn't see how God was working for me, how he was calling me according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
I wish I had known then what I do now.
I wish I could go back and take that awkward, sad, lost girl and tell her to give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for her in Christ Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18)... but I can't.
I wish I could tell her that God's miracles are everywhere, if only she would look... but I can't.
I wish I could explain that just because she wasn't able to see God parting the Red Sea for her in that moment didn't mean that he wouldn't do something extraordinary in her life in His time... but I can't.
I wish I knew then how to wait for the Lord; be strong, and let my heart take courage (Psalm 14), but I didn't.
But...
I do now.
The duality of life is this: we can choose what we dwell on, the positive or the negative, just like I could choose which side of the bookmark to stare at.
On one side was my dad's obituary, freshly cut from the newspaper, full of the bitter cup of suffering we must sometimes undergo in this life; on the other was Psalm 23, a testament of the protective, loving God who takes us under his wing and shelters us.
Our God loves us so much that he gives us the power to choose how we will live this life. He has given us the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses, and he calls on heaven and earth to witness the choice we make (Deuteronomy 30:19-20).
He wants us to choose life! To choose Him.
Satan's chief purpose is to turn us against God, and oh how he tries! For so long this deceiver kept me paralyzed as I walked through the darkest valleys and was blinded to the goodness and love of the Lord who was with me through it all.
In the months and even years following my father's death, I had a recurring nightmare about a black horse who would stand menacingly on a mountaintop and stare at me with red eyes, pawing desperately at the ground. I could feel the restlessness of the horse, how it wanted to knock me over, how it looked every which way trying to find a path straight to me.
I imagined then that the black horse was my dad. Now I know better. My dad was ensnared in the schemes of the enemy, but I will not become his bait.
The black horse wasn't my dad. The black horse was Satan. The tempter. The deceiver. "There is no truth in him. Whenever he lies it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies" (John 8:44).
And even when I didn't have the strength or knowledge or will to choose the right path, he determined my steps (Proverbs 16:9).
He was there the morning my mom had to tell her daughters that their father was dead.
He was there at the funeral when the collateral sobs matched the tune of "Amazing Grace".
And he was there to help me as I was bent beneath my load (Psalm 145:14); when it was so heavy, I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to hold it all again.
King David never meant for Psalm 23 to be the "death psalm"; he meant it as a sacred song of life, as praise to God, our Father, who gives us all we need. Our God who helps us rest, who leads us, who refreshes us. Jehovah-Jireh who guides us and comforts us and seats us with Him at His table and declares us worthy.
Instead of being deceived by the schemes of the devil, let us open our eyes so that we may see (1 Kings 6:17). Let us not spend another moment fearful or anxious or in angst, but use those moments to pray, instead. Let us see the faithfulness of our God in Psalm 32. In Him, we have a shepherd, green pastures, quiet waters, refreshment, guidance, and comfort, even through the darkest valleys and fear and evil.
The Lord is standing over us EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. with his rod and staff to comfort us. When the circumstances of life begin to overwhelm us, we must stand strong and know that victory has already been won; it is ours in Christ.
The Lord is our helper and our shield (Psalm 115:9). So let's claim our victory in Him today.
God, grant us an unshakeable, inexplicable peace when we choose to walk with you, when we choose to see your faithfulness, when we choose to emphasize the good things and not the bad. Help us adorn your armor as we hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil (Ephesians 6:16), and remind us that your goodness and love will follow us all the days of our lives when we choose to dwell in your presence. Amen.
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